What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate (Mark 10:9)
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient and kind;
love does not envy or boast;
it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing,
but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.
(1 Corinthians 13:1-8a)
Weddings are a time when our hope in the power of love is at its highest. And it is right for all of us to feel this way. No one can live very long without love, and every single person, man or woman, needs more than anything else to be loved—truly loved. To be loved not for what you can give, or for what you have accomplished, but to be loved for who you really are. When a man sets his love on a woman, and that woman sets her love on him, then the ingredients for a loving marriage are present. And the wonderful feeling of that love is like nothing else in the world.
That is pretty much what everyone, whether religious or secular, believes about love and marriage—at least in our foundational idea of what they should be. But here’s the problem, these feelings of love, and these basic ingredients of marriage, are helpful only as far as they go. Those who have been married for more than 3 months will testify that when feelings get hurt, or distracted, or begin to fade, that is when marital love is tested. Experience shows the way couples respond to such love-tests will either erode and destroy, or refine and strengthen their marriage. Thankfully the one who designed and prescribed marriage, God the Creator of men and women, has given you, Andrew and Susanna, everything you need for a happy and holy marriage fueled by a kind of love that can endure the inevitable trials you will face.
This famous Bible passage on God’s pattern for love is perfectly fitted for the marriage covenant. Today I want to give you three brief things from God’s Word to remember about true love:
First, if you don’t have love in the way that God defines love, then you have nothing. Love expressed in eloquent words will win you bonus points with your spouse, but without biblical love it will come across as hypocritical, irritating noise. By all means, don’t stop writing each other love notes, and don’t stop whispering sweet secrets in your spouse’s ears. And please don’t just sign your name at the end of the Hallmark poem on your first Wedding Anniversary card. Bad idea! Loving words are like icing on the wedding cake, they make the cake of love sweet and delicious. But without the cake the icing is meaningless and makes a mess! Furthermore, the unique gifts that you each bring to your marriage, even if used to tangibly benefit the other and balance your spouse’s weaknesses, will only make the other jealous of your abilities if you do not have that special something the Bible calls “love.” And even if you give up your desires, preferences, wealth, youthful years, and Yes, your life itself for your marriage partner, if you don’t have true love you’ll gain nothing. Do you hear what those first 3 verses are saying to both of you today? If you keep all your marriage vows according to the letter of the law, but not in the spirit of love, then you’ll gain nothing. Nothing! You might remember it like this: If you ain’t got love, you ain’t got nothin’! Now that I have your attention, and possibly scared you half-to-death, let me give you what this passage tells us about the kind of gracious love God says will refine and strengthen your marriage. If words are the sweet icing, then gracious love is what you put the icing on—the cake.
Second, since love is an action, and marriage is a covenant, then love in marriage is a solemn promise to actively love each other. That sounds pretty vague. Thankfully God tells us what he means with a specific list of dos and don’ts, and more importantly he gives us a general description of the loving attitudes you must cultivate in your own hearts for a marriage that will be life-giving rather than life-taking. Notice the specifics. Love is patient and kind. Love rejoices with the truth. What does this mean? The love that comes from God majors on what is true and on being gracious at the same time. In your marriage, if you minor on grace and major on truth you’ll soon have a loveless marriage devoid of tenderness and affection. However, if you minor on truth and major on grace, then you’ll never be able to get your marriage, family, and home back on track when you sometimes veer from what is true. Like making a wrong turn on a car trip, you’ll quickly be lost and closer to danger if you don’t correct course and return to the right road. Love is the art of delicately balancing truth and grace. May God gently teach you both how to be loving artists for each other. Then there are the don’ts of love. Love doesn’t envy or boast. Love doesn’t do arrogance or rudeness, irritability or resentment. Love doesn’t rejoice when your spouse sins, whether it’s a sharing in the sin, or a self-righteous gloating about the other’s sin. Above all, love doesn’t insist on what I want. Bernard of Clairvaux put it like this: “True love is precisely that: that it does not seek its own interests” (Richard Foster, Devotional Classics, 41). Generally speaking, the passage describes love as bearing all things, believing all things, hoping all things, enduring all things, and outlasting all things. Yes, the kind of love that counts in God’s eyes never ever ends. Remember it this way: love in marriage is a covenant making and covenant keeping love. On your wedding day, surely this feels possible. You may be thinking, “If we can keep loving like that, like the way we’ve done so far, we’ll make it til death do us part!” And I believe you will, but only if you receive, rest on, and dwell in God’s love given freely to sinners. Here is the last and by far the most important thing to remember:
Third, the love God requires of you, is the same love he gives to you. This is the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Who is able to love with such true, good, and beautiful love? God himself! From one perspective, the Bible, from beginning to end, tells the story of God giving all his love to his people like a husband gives all his love to his wife. Jesus is the bridegroom and his special chosen people are his precious bride. Think of it! Ultimate, forever reality is at the foundation built on marital love: the cosmic marriage of God and his church. Andrew and Susanna, your love for each other in the covenant of marriage is a brand new reflection, beginning in this public ceremony right now, of Jesus’s love for you. He left his perfect life in heaven to give his very life for you. He loved you selflessly, sacrificially, all the way to his death on the cross. He even loved you as he lay in the grave. He loves you still as your resurrected Lord. And he will continue to love you with a love that majors on perfect truth and lavish grace. The Bible says, “we love because he first loved us” (1 Jn 4:19). If you find yourself from time to time needing God’s power to love your husband, to love your wife with that kind of divine love, then look to the love of God for you as a sinner. Draw on his never-ending love for you that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. You might remember to pray this for your marriage: “Lord, command us whatever you desire, but please graciously grant us whatever you desire.” This promise is for you: Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things—the joys, the delights, and the many blessings of marriage—will be added unto you! Andrew and Susanna, may “the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you” (2 Cor 13:14) now and forevermore.
Let us pray.
Heavenly Father, we ask you to bless Andrew’s & Susanna’s marriage with the abiding presence of your Holy Spirit. Cause Andrew & Susanna to rest in their union with you through Christ, who has died to save them from their sins and transform them together into a couple who model and reflect your character. We pray that your kind of love—godly sacrificial love—will enable and empower them to love each other as husband and wife, and that their marriage will grow into a beautiful picture of Jesus’ love for his church. Bless every aspect of this couple’s life so that everything in their marriage would come under your lordship. Be pleased, our gracious God, to bless Andrew & Susanna with children. May their home become a nursery for new life, and a beacon of attractive and winsome spiritual life to their family, friends, and neighbors. By your Holy Spirit, work in Andrew & Susanna so that they love you each day with patience, kindness, joy, and commitment to each other, all for your glory. Bless their marriage for the sake of the Lord Jesus Christ who loves them with a love that never ever ends. In Christ’s name we pray, Amen.
